So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
