Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
