After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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