umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
