____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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