Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
