Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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