I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
