You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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