actually, I'm a sock model
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
