i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
