I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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