i'm lost and i look like a hooker
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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