All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
