thus making me awesome and them whores
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
