i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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