Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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