I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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