i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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