I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
