Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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