I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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