i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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