btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
