I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize