im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
