if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
