I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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