i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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