her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
