So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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