I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
