You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
