Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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