i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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