so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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