Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
