i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Couch. On fire.
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