She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
