cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
