Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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