all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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