A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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