she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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