They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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