Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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