you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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