he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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