Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
