When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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