Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
