I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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