I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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