mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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