God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
