just come out here and I will go home with you...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you made out with another girl for some wings
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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