we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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