We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
