I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
