I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
