3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Green mimosas i think yes
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize