One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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